As with most things, the answer to the above question is not straightforward as a child’s age is just one of several factors the family court will consider when making a decision about whether a child can refuse contact.
The court will always place the child’s welfare above everything else – even the parents’ wishes, but whether or not a child can refuse contact with their parent is a fine balancing act requiring precision judgment.
How does a child’s age affect child contact and court decisions?
The Children Act 1989 sets out the legal framework from which decisions about children in family law cases are made. This includes a checklist that the courts use to assess what is in a child’s best interests, including consideration of the child’s wishes and feelings in relation to their age and maturity.
The court is not obliged to follow the child’s wishes, but considers them as part of a broader assessment of the child’s welfare. For example, a younger child’s expressed desire may carry less weight if the court believes they lack the maturity to understand the implications of their position or if there are concerns about undue influence from one parent.
Essentially, the older and more mature a child is, the greater weight their views will carry. Whilst a young child may be unable to articulate a preference, an older child who can clearly express their wishes will be heard, although the court will still evaluate whether following their wishes aligns with their wider welfare.
At what age can a child refuse to see a parent?
There is no set age at which a child is legally entitled to refuse to see a parent, but their views are more likely to be taken into account from around the age of 12. At age 16, the child can legally decide which parent they want to live and have contact with, unless there is a child arrangements order in place stating they should live with a particular parent until they reach 17 or 18.
The government has recently changed its position with regard to the child having contact with both parents. This future change means that courts will no longer start with the presumption that contact with both parents is in the child’s best interests. It aims to prioritise child safety and welfare over automatic contact assumptions in a bid to protect children from potential harm, particularly in cases involving domestic abuse. This reform will be enacted through new legislation over the coming months.
Notwithstanding the above, the courts prefer that children should have a meaningful relationship with both parents, and if asked to intervene where a child is refusing to have contact, it will look at the unique circumstances of the case when reaching a decision.
The court can also ask the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service (Cafcass) to meet the parents and the child with a view to preparing a report to help the court understand and deal with the issues.
What if one parent suspects acts of alienation by the other parent?
In a recent UK study of 1,005 separated or divorced parents, between 39% and 59% of respondents said they had experienced parental alienation behaviours.
Parental alienation — although not formally recognised by the family courts — happens when one parent deliberately damages or interferes with a child’s relationship with the other parent. It can involve manipulation, psychological pressure, or subtle messaging that causes the child to unjustifiably reject or fear the other parent. Such behaviour isn’t always loud or obvious and can involve small, consistent signals like negative body language when the other parent is mentioned, or subtle suggestions that the other parent doesn’t care or is dangerous, even where no evidence supports such claims.
Alienating behaviours can:
- Undermine a parent’s contact
- Lead to changes in child arrangements orders
- Affect how parental responsibility is exercised
- Be considered emotional abuse (severe cases)
The court’s aim is not to punish either parent but to safeguard the child’s right to a meaningful relationship with each parent where it is safe to do so. If alienation is proved, the courts can order the following:
- Enforced contact arrangements with clear expectations and penalties for breaches
- Therapy or reunification counselling which may or may not involve both parents and the child
- Transfer of residence, placing the child with the alienated parent in severe cases where contact cannot be restored otherwise
- Warning notices and activity directions, including parenting classes aimed at improving cooperation.
The courts may also appoint a guardian to independently represent the child’s interests.
Do I still have to pay maintenance for my children if I don’t see them?
You generally still have to pay child maintenance even if you don’t have contact with your children. This is because child maintenance and contact are separate and distinct legal issues, with both parents being legally responsible for providing financial support for their children whatever the contact situation.
On the other side, many parents want to stop contact if their child’s other parent doesn’t pay child maintenance. Some parents think they are right to stop contact in this scenario. Although they may have a moral argument, they do not have a legal case to stop contact because child support is not being paid. Unfortunately, it is not unheard of for parents to influence their children into refusing contact, tying in with aspects of parental alienation.
What happens if one parent insists on being present during contact?
If your ex insists on being present during contact, you should attempt to resolve the issues through communication or mediation first. If a court order already exists, you may be able to apply to the court to enforce the order or make an application for a Specific Issue to resolve the problems. As an alternative to your ex being present, you can use a supervised contact centre, which offers a neutral space for you to see your child.
If you are facing challenges regarding child contact and separation, or if your children are refusing to see you, seek specialist legal help as soon as possible.