When a child says something troubling about their other parent while you are driving home from a handover, or mentions an incident just as you are putting them to bed, the arrangements that seemed straightforward a few hours earlier suddenly feel problematic. You want to understand what happened, but you also need to know whether your child is safe and what to do about the next visit.
Responding in the first few minutes
It is only natural to have a dramatic reaction to what you are being told, but this can make a child reluctant to say anything more. Allow them to continue if they want to talk, without steering the conversation. If you need to clarify something because of an immediate safety concern, keep further questioning to a minimum.
Once adults begin filling in the gaps, it can become harder to separate the child’s own recollection from information introduced during the conversation.
Why repeated questioning can cause harm
A worried parent may return to the subject several times; they might ask the child to repeat the story to a grandparent, or record another conversation on their phone. Although the intention may be protective, repeated questioning can distress the child and affect the reliability of later evidence.
Achieving Best Evidence (ABE) provides guidance for professionals interviewing victims and witnesses. Parents cannot conduct an ABE interview because investigative questioning requires care and skill. What seems like a helpful conversation can influence a child’s account, particularly if they are anxious to please a parent. The guidance warns that poor interviewing can produce unreliable evidence.
In the recent case of A Mother v A Father & Anor [2026] EWFC 290 (B), which was handed down on 7 October 2026, the court examined serious failings in the handling of a child’s allegations. The judge criticised repeated interviews and records that summarised conversations without showing the questions asked and the child’s actual answers. There were also substantial delays before the formal video interview.
Here, the judge concluded that the account had been so contaminated by the mother’s family and professionals that no weight could be placed on the ABE interview. Parents should listen and report what has been said, while leaving investigative questioning to trained professionals. Do not rehearse an account before an appointment, ask the child to demonstrate what happened, or arrange a family discussion to establish the truth, as this may jeopardise the case.
Making a written record
It may help investigators if you record when and where the conversation with the child happened, including who was present. Consider setting out what was happening immediately before the disclosure, particularly if the remark arose without any question from you.
Use the child’s exact words where you can remember them, keeping their expressions rather than replacing them with adult terminology; record what you said too, including any questions you asked. If you cannot remember precise wording, it is better to say so rather than presenting a reconstruction as a quotation.
You should also keep observation separate from interpretation. For example, stating something like, “she cried and moved away when I mentioned tomorrow’s visit” describes what you saw, whereas “she was clearly terrified because of abuse” infers something the observation cannot establish.
Preserve the original note, and if something else comes back to you later, add a separately dated entry instead of rewriting the first account. NSPCC guidance emphasises accurate records, including using the child’s own words.
If your child is older, do not ask them to write a statement or repeat the account for a recording. Where possible, preserve relevant messages in their original form, and avoid creating additional evidence by questioning them again.
Getting the right help
For concerns about abuse or neglect where there is no immediate danger, contact the relevant local authority children’s services team. If you believe a child is in immediate danger, call 999. You should consider using the local authority’s emergency duty service outside normal hours where urgent help is needed. The police should also be contacted where a crime may have happened; 101 is available for non-emergency police reports.
It is important to understand that you do not have to prove an allegation before reporting a safeguarding concern. Ask what will happen next and, where possible, when you can expect further action. This can be particularly important when another handover is approaching.
The school’s designated safeguarding lead can help support your child during the school day, but this should not replace a direct referral to children’s services or the police where urgent protection is needed.
When contact is due to happen soon
An allegation made on Friday evening can leave a parent facing a Saturday morning handover with very little time to act. Where there is an immediate safeguarding risk, temporarily stopping a handover may be necessary while urgent protection is sought. This does not mean that every allegation justifies suspending all contact, or that arrangements can simply be left unresolved.
If the court needs to intervene, an urgent decision may be needed about what should happen in the meantime, rather than waiting until every allegation has been determined. Depending on the assessed risk, the court may suspend direct contact or consider a supervised arrangement.
Where a child arrangements order already exists
A child arrangements order remains in force unless the court changes it, so an allegation or a safeguarding referral does not itself vary the order. An existing order does not, however, remove the need to respond to a genuine emergency. If you believe that complying with the order would expose your child to immediate harm, seek urgent legal advice and, where necessary, urgent protection from the court or emergency services.
Unjustified non-compliance can lead to enforcement action, and serious contempt proceedings can involve a fine or imprisonment. Those consequences do not automatically follow where a parent has taken protective action because of a genuine safeguarding concern, but they underline the importance of seeking legal advice and bringing the issue before the court promptly.
Deciding what to tell the other parent
Do not immediately confront the other parent or ask them to question the child about the allegation. Where abuse is suspected, first seek advice from the police or children’s services about what can safely be communicated. Telling the other parent about the allegation too soon could expose the child to pressure or interfere with an investigation.
There is a separate issue about giving notice of a court application, as the other parent will be entitled to know about the case against them so they have an opportunity to respond. Urgent applications are usually made on notice, whereas a hearing without notice is reserved for exceptional circumstances.