When parents separate, decisions about their children’s upbringing can pose problems because the situation is so emotionally charged. But add in the complexities surrounding children with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND), what might have been a difference of opinion can quickly escalate into a serious dispute. Whether it’s an issue about moving a child to a specialist school, agreeing to educational assessments, or deciding how support is delivered, disagreements about SEND provision can test even the most cooperative co-parenting relationships.

This article explores what happens when separated parents cannot agree on their child’s special educational needs, how family law approaches these conflicts, and what practical measures can be taken to resolve them without causing lasting harm to the child or the family dynamics.

Understanding special educational needs and disabilities (SEND)

The term special educational needs and disabilities refers to children who require additional or different support to help them learn effectively. Under the Children and Families Act 2014, a child has SEND if they have a learning difficulty or disability that makes it significantly harder for them to learn compared to other children of the same age.

SEND can cover a wide range of conditions, from dyslexia, ADHD, and autism spectrum disorder (ASD) to sensory impairments or physical disabilities that affect learning. Some needs are relatively straightforward to address within mainstream school, while others require specialist education provision or one-to-one support.

When parents are together, they might discuss and agree on the best course of action for their child. But when parents are separated or divorced, the issue can become more complicated, particularly if one parent disagrees with the child’s diagnosis, the school placement, or the support being offered.

Common disagreements between separated parents about SEND

It is not uncommon for separated parents to have conflicting views about what is best for their child, especially when it involves educational or medical decisions. Some typical issues include:

  • Disagreements about diagnosis: One parent may believe their child has autism or ADHD and wish to pursue assessment, while the other might feel the child is being labelled unnecessarily or that the tests are invasive or stressful.
  • Choice of school: One parent might want to move the child to a special school or a different setting that offers more tailored support, while the other insists the child remain in their current school for stability.
  • Educational Health and Care Plan (EHCP) disputes: Parents might disagree about whether to apply for an EHCP, or what provision it should include.
  • Therapies and interventions: Differences in opinion about whether the child should undergo speech therapy, occupational therapy, or other specialist input.
  • Financial concerns: One parent may argue that the costs associated with special provision (e.g. transport, tutoring, equipment) are excessive or unaffordable.

These disagreements often stem from genuine concern and love for the child, but without clear communication and legal understanding, they can quickly spiral into protracted conflict.

Who has the right to decide?

Decisions about a child’s education, health, and welfare are considered matters of parental responsibility. If both parents have parental responsibility, which they usually do, unless it has been removed by a court or an unmarried father is not registered on the child’s birth certificate, then both must be consulted on major decisions.

This means that neither parent can unilaterally:

  • Change the child’s school (especially between mainstream and special education)
  • Consent or refuse medical or psychological assessments relating to SEND
  • Apply for or withdraw an EHCP
  • Change the type or level of educational provision

If one parent takes unilateral action, for example, moving the child to a different school or refusing to allow assessment, the other parent can challenge this legally.

When parents cannot agree

If separated parents simply cannot agree, there are several steps that can be taken before resorting to court.

  • Mediation: Family mediation is often the first port of call when parents cannot agree. A trained mediator can broker communication between the parties and focus on the child’s needs rather than the parents’ differences. A mediator does not have the power to impose a decision, but agreements reached in mediation can later be formalised through a consent order, giving them legal weight.
  • Educational dispute resolution via local authority: If the dispute relates to an EHCP, the local authority has a key role. Parents (or the school) can request that the local authority carry out a needs assessment. If an EHCP is issued and one parent disagrees with its contents or the school named, they can appeal to the First-tier Tribunal (Special Educational Needs and Disability SEND Tribunal). This is a specialised tribunal separate from family courts, which focuses specifically on educational law and the child’s individual needs.
  • Child arrangements and specific issue orders: If mediation fails and the disagreement remains, either parent can apply to the court for a specific issue order. This allows the court to decide one specific matter, such as which school the child should attend, or whether assessments should go ahead. Alternatively, a prohibited steps order can be sought to prevent the other parent from taking certain actions without consent such as preventing them from moving the child to another school.

The guiding principle of any child dispute is always the child’s welfare, as set out in the welfare checklist of the Children Act 1989. The court will consider the child’s physical, emotional, and educational needs, the impact of any change in circumstances, and the ability of each parent to meet those needs, amongst other things.

The child’s voice in SEND disputes

One important element often overlooked is the child’s own view. In both family court and SEND Tribunal settings, the child’s perspective, depending on their age and understanding, is taken seriously. If the child is old enough, their feelings about changing school, receiving support, or undergoing assessments may carry considerable weight.

In addition, the court may also appoint a CAFCASS (Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service) officer or a Guardian to represent the child’s best interests, particularly where there is a high conflict between parents.

Practical tips for parents facing SEND disputes

  • Keep records— Maintain copies of school reports, assessments, medical opinions, and correspondence with the local authority. This evidence can be useful if court action is required.
  • Stay child-focused— Courts can quickly identify when disputes are driven by parental conflict rather than genuine concern for the child, and will take a dim view of such behaviour.
  • Avoid unilateral decisions— Acting without the other parent’s consent can damage trust, which, if the matter proceeds to court will not be looked upon favourably.
  • Seek expert advice early— Educational psychologists or SEND specialists can provide independent assessments that help clarify what the child truly needs. Although it should be noted that private assessments can be expensive.
  • Communicate through structured channels— If direct communication is strained, using parenting apps or written exchanges can often help to minimise misunderstanding.

Every parent wants what’s best for their child, but when emotions and differing perspectives clash, it is easy to lose sight of the arrangement that best serves the child and their long-term development. Whenever possible, parents should try open communication before allowing disagreements to harden into legal battles. The law recognises that SEND children thrive best when both parents, regardless of their relationship status, work together in their interests.