Divorce is a difficult time for children: that won’t be news to many people. But it can be especially upsetting for adopted children who sometimes also have more challenging circumstances or backgrounds, with their adopted family being the first stability they’ve experienced in their lives.
This makes a divorce especially difficult to process – and leaving the adoptive parents feeling even more guilty than other parents whose relationships end.
What is the law regarding adopted children and divorce?
Despite these emotional complexities, the law concerning adopted children following divorce is clear. In all but a few rare instances, adoption is permanent. Once the adoption process has been finalised, family law makes no distinction at all between biological and adopted children. This means that following divorce, the adopted child and any siblings will typically live with one parent on a day-to-day basis – the “resident parent” – while the “non-resident” parent will be able to continue seeing him or her, just like a biological parent, unless there is a very good reason for this not to happen.
Parental responsibility & legal equivalence
Once an adoption order is made, adoptive parents assume full parental responsibility, indistinguishable from that of birth parents. This includes the right to make decisions regarding education, healthcare, and religion and means they will have a say in such matters concerning the child. The court treats adopted and biological children identically when issuing orders on residence, contact, and welfare.
However much they might want to, and welcome the prospect, adoptive parents – just like biological parents – have no specific legal right to continue seeing the child after divorce. Instead, the family courts promote contact because a continuing relationship with both parents is seen as being in the child’s best interests: this applies to both adopted and biological children.
Adoptive parents retain the same legal standing to seek Child Arrangements Orders, apply for prohibited steps orders, or request specific issue orders — there is no differentiation because of adoption status.
Child Arrangements Orders after divorce
Time spent with the child – could be agreed informally between the parents or negotiated with the help of a solicitor or mediator if the relationship has become strained and the couple is struggling to agree.
If you do involve a family solicitor, and can agree a schedule of contact with your ex, where possible, it should be committed to a ‘parenting plan’. This is a formal statement of the time each parent will spend with the child, and the role they will play in their lives following the divorce. Parenting plans are encouraged by the family courts even if the parents are on good terms because they remove ambiguities and misunderstandings. A parenting plan will also aid your case if the situation ever deteriorates and you need to ask the family courts to intervene.
However, if you are unable to reach an agreement, you may decide to apply to court for a Child Arrangements Order. The court can decide:
- Where the child will live (the “resident” parent)
- With whom and when the child will spend time (contact)
- How important decisions about the child’s welfare are shared
These decisions hinge on the welfare checklist: health, emotional needs, safe environment, parental capacity, and past contact. Adopted children are subject to the same criteria — adoption imposes no automatic preference or special treatment in placement decisions.
How can I help my adopted child deal with divorce?
Every child is different and will respond in different ways to the news of a divorce or separation. But even if they don’t seem visibly upset, continued reassurance goes a long way. Make sure adopted children fully understand that you and your ex will remain their parents and that they are still a permanent part of your family. Reassure them, too, that the divorce is nothing to do with them: it’s not their fault. Although they may not openly say so, many children inadvertently shoulder some responsibility when their adoptive or biological parents divorce.
Instead, calmly explain what is going to happen. Use judgment in explaining why: an explanation may help, but the truth may also be upsetting or inappropriate.
You can help your child feel secure by focusing on their welfare – and by providing stability. Maintain familiar routines and rules. This will help them understand that while a big change is happening, the fundamentals of daily family life will remain firmly in place.
Be mindful of how you frame the divorce to your children. It’s not a competition or a struggle to see who can come out on top. Don’t criticise your soon-to-be-former spouse – children typically find this very unsettling if they feel loyalty to, and love the absent parent, as most will do.
If handled badly, divorce can leave children with bad memories and a sense of insecurity that lingers long into adulthood.
Post-adoption contact with birth family amid divorce
An important additional consideration is the involvement of the child’s birth family after adoption — particularly relevant around divorce when stability is a key concern.
Under the Adoption and Children Act 2002 (ACA 2002) s51A, those whose parental responsibility was extinguished by adoption — typically birth parents — may apply for direct or indirect contact.
A court generally resists orders for direct contact if adoptive parents object, unless exceptional circumstances exist and the child’s welfare would not be harmed. If adoptive parents clash with birth parents, the court must carefully assess:
- Safety risks to the child’s emotional and psychological well‑being
- Disruption that contact may cause
- The child’s own preferences (depending on their age/maturity) .
Revocation or setting aside of adoption orders
A rare but critical issue is whether adoption can be legally revoked after a breakdown in adoptive family relationships or during divorce. Adoption is meant to be permanent, with no revocation. Exceptions include legitimation or a subsequent adoption order, although the High Court lacks the power to revoke adoption for welfare reasons alone. Only appeals challenging procedural or consent defects at the time of adoption might succeed — even then, only in extremely exceptional cases .
This means that, during divorce, even if an adopted child expresses a desire to return to a birth family, the law’s priority is on stability and finality of adoption, not reversing it.
Risk of harm & parental fitness
If concerns arise over an adoptive parent’s fitness during divorce proceedings — such as domestic violence, neglect, or substance misuse — the court must still apply the welfare checklist impartially. Adopted children are not automatically protected by virtue of adoption itself; rather, the court scrutinises whether each parent can meet the child’s needs consistently .
Relocation disputes
If one parent intends to relocate after divorce (e.g. to another part of the UK or abroad), and the other parent opposes, this may lead to a child arrangements dispute. The court will consider:
- Impact on the child’s educational and social life
- Frequency and feasibility of contact with the non-resident parent
- The child’s deeper attachments and sense of identity — especially where the child has an adopted birth background.
An adopted child might require longer or more deliberate adjustments because of past traumas or attachment patterns. The court regularly allows relocation only if harmony across homes and consistency for the child can be maintained.
Extended family dynamics
Adopted children often have important links with extended family, which may become more significant when parents separate. This includes grandparents, aunts/uncles, or prior foster carers. Particularly in divorce, maintaining these relationships can contribute significantly to a child’s continuity of identity and sense of belonging.
Therapeutic support & life story work
Divorce can re-trigger adoption-related trauma. Courts and caseworkers increasingly emphasise the use of:
- Life-story books: to help the child integrate their past, present, and feelings
- Therapeutic sessions or CAMHS involvement: especially around contact or transitions
- Educational and psychological continuity: avoiding school or home upheaval during divorce
These measures support an adoptive child’s resilience and integration of their identity — vital amid relationship changes.
Financial provision
When determining financial settlements, the court must consider the needs of adopted children — just as for biological children. This includes:
- Day-to-day living costs
- Education and curriculum-related expenses
- Special support needs and therapeutic interventions
- Capital provision (e.g. inheritance, property) in high-net-worth cases
Adopted children’s special needs, perhaps due to early trauma, can justify enhanced financial provision — for instance, funding for therapy or specialist schooling.
Avoiding re-traumatisation & safeguarding identity
Divorce poses a risk of reactivating early-life uncertainty for adopted children. Thus, courts and those involved with the children must consciously:
- Shield the child from parental conflict, recognising their sensitivity to rejection or abandonment
- Maintain familiar routines and environments, preserving stability
- Avoid frequent new evaluations of the adoption (e.g., questioning its legality or permanence), which courts typically prohibit
- Reserve reversal of adoption for only the strictly legislated exceptions, not emotional disruption during divorce
For adopted children, divorce presents no exception from standard family law procedures. However, the emotional context, permanence of adoption, and potential reactivation of early trauma necessitate nuanced approaches:
- Courts are unwavering that adoption cannot be reversed lightly, even amid parental separation
- While adopted children enjoy equal legal status, their welfare and identity needs may be deeper or more complex, especially as they reconcile birth history and adoptive family ties.
- Effective divorce planning should thus include therapeutic support, life-story engagement, careful handling of relocation/contact, and protective legal orders tailored to adopted children.
Taken together, these layers ensure that the best interests of adopted children remain at the heart of divorce proceedings, preserving the security, identity, and emotional well-being foundational to their future.